you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
