A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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