I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
