If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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