she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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