Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize