Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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