I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
