I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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