I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
