One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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