why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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