he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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