we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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