sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
