but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
