I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
