just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
