What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think i have herpe
just one?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
