i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
sarcasm needs its own font
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
