Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
