Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
