Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
