i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
