I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
