One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Vodka?
Forever.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
