The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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