we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
