im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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