I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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