I am spending my child support on dildos
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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