the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
