So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
