How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
