I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I want her autograph on my taint
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
