Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
