Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
