I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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