well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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