Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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