no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize