I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
