...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
