tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
