My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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