I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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