I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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