If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
