We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I touched a dick in church today
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize