Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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