one might say we're banned from that church
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
