My room smells like vodka and shame
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize