we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
