are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
