I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Damn victory sex feels great
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