he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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