I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish I only lived at night.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize