its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
