Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
