His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I enjoy the company of your penis
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
