im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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