was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
