angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
