Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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