in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's just like the Real World with babies
she peed on how many people?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize