i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
