from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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