so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
