Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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