As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
