When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
