Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
