You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
