I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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