i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Life is so much better after having sex.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
