Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
