i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
