I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he was CRYING into my vagina
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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