you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
