I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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