I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
