Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
