the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
