So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
false alarm, still single
Randomize
